I hate White Day.

It's as fucking depressing as Valentine Day. No boys to give chocolate to and no return gifts a month later. Risa-chan is probably just as depressed as I am about them too. She's late from work and I pray like a fool that she's getting herself piss-drunk as a bunny at some bar, trying to get over Watari, who decided the day before Valentine that he should act like a proper, faithful husband.

I kept telling her married men always returned to their wives in the end. I don't know why she bawled so much when he left her. She should have known it wasn't going to work out. Risa-chan is a wonderful girl but sometimes, she's so fucking stupid I wonder if she works at it.

And now she's probably so drunk she won't get home until the morning. Stupid girl, she'll probably end up pregnant if she keeps this up.

That's what I keep telling myself. It's easier than worrying about that earthquake today. Easier than imagining that she's in the hospital fighting for her life because her building collapsed or worse, she's trapped under the rubble by herself, screaming for help.

God. Don't think that! She's just fine! You don't know where that earthquake was today. Just because it knocked a couple of picture frames and dishes over doesn't mean it was near her building. She's /not/ trapped anywhere with half her body torn and crushed under - Fuck! Why doesn't she come home soon? I'm so afraid. I'm so fucking afraid -

The door unlocks all of the sudden. Relief - I didn't even know I worried -- Liar - makes me weak and I turn from the window, resting my back against the cold glass.

Thank God she's all right.

Through the corner of my eyes, I cast a quick glance out the window. We're on the first floor of our tiny mildewed apartment, so I can't see the tops of the dingy buildings around us, but I can see the crass neon lights twinkling clearly. Even at this hour, there are people everywhere, huddling up in groups, their jackets draped on them, walking down the street or waiting around the out door ramen restaurants. The vulgar artificial lights show the scars caused by a recent earthquake that happened a few miles away from our place. Cracks on the buildings, especially at the foundation, knocked over garbage cans with garbage scattered on the dirty streets, busted cars, and fallen pieces of rubble and stone.

Fucking insane.

It's a death pit here now. Tokyo City. Massive burial ground. The next Hiroshima, only slower and more drawn out. Viciously drawn out. The quakes have been happening only one a month lately, but it's amazing how fast a month feels when you're frightened out of your mind. And how painfully, excruciatingly slow as well.

Risa-chan and I, we're going to die here, like everyone else who has died before us. Ants stepped on by a person who doesn't know we exist. We're not leaving the city.

But I want to, dear God, I want to. I don't want to die here. I want to go back home and see my parents again. We both do. I'm so fucking afraid of all this. The smallest noises makes me jump like a rabbit on fire. Every time a crack appears on the wall I start freaking out, thinking it's going to collapse on us and bury us here and kill us.

Instantly ,if it's merciful.

But really, it doesn't matter where we go in Japan. We have no future anywhere.

"I'm home," Risa-chan says wearily in our language as she closes the door behind her. She looks tired. She always looks tired lately. Poor girl.

"Risa-chan." I look her over. She looks like a child, really. She's in her late twenty, but she's so short and thin with such an innocent face most people make the mistake she's only in high school. But if you look at her closely, like I do, you see the crowfeet at the corner of her eyes, the white streaks in her black hair, and the wrinkles at the ends of her lips.

"How was your day?"

She shakes her head and bends down to take off her shoes. It's then I notice she's balancing with a limp. "What happened to your leg?" I ask.

"It's my hip," she said, putting a hand over the area in question. "I fell and knocked it against a table. I'll tell you about it later, but I'm fine. How was your day?"

"Fucking depressing." I told her. "I hate White Day."

"Tell me about it," she says as I walk over to help her. "Never fails to depress us."

The strange thing is her words are bitter, but her tone is not. I watch her put her shoes away and see the expressive melancholy way her lips are pressed together and the look of thoughtfulness and sadness in her eyes.

"What happened today?" I asked, knowing something did.

"Get me some beer and I'll tell you," she commands.

I obey and we sit in our dingy living room on the scarred sofa, a bottle between us. We don't bother with mugs or cups. Risa-chan drinks straight from the bottle and then passes it to me. "Did you feel the earthquake today?" she asks.

I take a slug at the beer, cursing silently that it tastes like water, and point to the ceiling where three new cracks had made their homes. Small pieces of plaster were hanging from the jagged lines, threatening to drop soon. It was the first thing I saw when the quake woke me up from my nap on the couch.

Risa-chan looks up and does not grin like she usually does. "Shit," she says quietly. "I guess so."

"Was it bad at work?" I ask.

She pulls out a cigarette from her breast pocket. Watching it shake between her fingers makes me realize just how much the girl is trembling. I feel my chest start to tighten. This can't be good. "Yeah," she says breathlessly. "It was pretty bad. It was right where we were."

"What!?" I yell, nearly dropping the bottle. I feel like I've been punched in the stomach or something. "Risa-chan! You mean you were in the center of the earthquake?"

She nods. Reaches slowly over to her pants pocket on the side of her injured hip and retrieves a lighter. Torches the end of her cigarette and takes a drag before continuing her story "Oh, a lot of us got out all right. I'm glad I'm on the ground floor. I lost my balance and knocked my hip against the table but I managed to run out anyways. It's amazing what injured bodies can do when they don't know they're injured." She takes the bottle out of my clenched hand and takes a quick slug while I try to keep my heart from racing itself into cardiac attack. "Still, it was freaky. The building was burning and I thought it was raining fire-"

"Raining fire?" Despite the shock, I have to smile. "You make it sound like the second coming."

She doesn't smile back. Shit, it really was bad. "I thought it was," she tells me. "It was the most horrible thing I've been through and damn it, Onee-san, I don't want to go through it again. I don't care if we starve. I want to get the hell out of Tokyo."

I'm not sure what to say so I just nod my head. "Sure. Fine."

She doesn't relax and continues her narrative. "Anyways, we were running out of the building which was burning like the devil himself must have been in hell and as I was running away, I see this girl standing in the middle of the chaos. It made no sense. Everyone else was running around her, and she just stood there."

"Shocked into dumbness?" I suggest.

"No," Risa-chan says. "She was making a pyramid with her hands like this -" Risa-chan touches her fingers and thumbs together but keeps her palms part, "and was chanting something over and over again. I went over and grabbed her by her arm and told, `Miss, we have to go! We'll get killed' but she just pushed my hand told me to run."

"Crazy bitch," I say. "Probably planning on committing suicide."

Risa-chan shakes her head. "It was more than that. I don't know. I think she had special powers or something."

"You're off your rocker."

"Stop interrupting, Onee-san!" Risa-chan snaps, and I realize this is one of those instances my usual biting sarcasm isn't warranted. I decide to hold my tongue as asked and take a drink from the bottle again.

Risa-chan taps her cigarette on the ashtray. Her hand is still trembling. "She must have had some sort of special power and she was trying to save us. I can't explain. I just felt this powerful aura around her. And she was beautiful. My God, she was most beautiful girl I have ever seen. Her hair was long and black and straight, and you had to see her eyes. I've never seen eyes like that. They were wide and delicate, but also so intense and cool and in control. I'm never going to forget her face."

Her voice becomes soft and sad at the last sentence and she smokes her cigarette briefly. I want to ask her what happened, but she continues before I can get the words out:

"Anyways, She refused to move when I begged her to hurry. She told me she was going to be all right and told me to hurry and go. She sounded so confident and self-assured that I started to walk away, when this guy comes out of nowhere. I mean that literally. He just flew into the scene. He has sunglasses on, which isn't surprising because it was the middle of the sunny afternoon but I still found that fact that he wore them unnerving. I don't know why. Maybe it was because I couldn't see his eyes.

"Anyways, the two must have known each other because the moment she sees him, she starts to this panic look in her eyes. And I stop walking and turn to look at them."

"Risa-chan!" I exclaimed, ignoring the fact that I was not supposed to interrupt. "What, were you insane? You could have gotten yourself killed!"

"I'm fine!" she says back. "So don't worry about that. I won't do it again, Onee-san. I promise. I don't want to. Boy, I don't want to. "Anyways, back to the story, the guy was telling the girl that both her kekkai and her sword no longer worked. Obviously, I had no idea what he meant by that, but I knew right then that the girl was special. I knew she had some sort powers that are supposed to help people.

"But it seemed she lost them because the moment he said that, she started to look scared. I felt so sorry for her because she was trying to look tough and cool and brave, but it was obvious she was frightened. And that guy, I'll never forget him either. He was so damn cold. His voice was so calm and smooth and suave that it was downright eerie and unnatural. And the way he cowed this poor girl was just horrible.

"You know, I'm happy I couldn't see his eyes because I believe if I did, I would never be the same person again.

"But the girl was trying not to let him get to her and she had her hands in pyramid again. I think she was trying to conjure up some spell. I have no idea what but the guy kept smiling at her and telling her it won't work. The kekkai wasn't going to work and everyone in the area was going to die. I don't know what he meant by kekkai, but it must have been important to her because she looked really frightened when he mentioned it. But she kept trying anyways and I saw sweat pouring down her face.

"And then -- Oh God, Onee-san --- " She closed her eyes for a painful moment "he did something that caused her to be thrown against the building. I can't explain what he did, but it was horrible. It was horrible. She bounced like a rag doll and then got up, all bruised and with some blood coming out of her mouth."

"Oh fuck," I gasp, horrified at the image in my mind.

"I remember screaming. I kept screaming. She turned to me and told me to stop screaming. She wasn't annoyed or sharp. She actually smiled at me, told me kindly that she was all right and told me go. But I couldn't. I just kept watching, even though it was getting really smoky and hot.

"And that awful guy came up to her again and she tried to conjure up a spell again and I was about to start screaming again when another guy appeared. He didn't look as cold as the first one and he must have been friends with the girl because he yelled to the first guy to stop it. And then did something to throw the first guy away from the girl.

"I was starting to be relieved because I thought this guy would save the girl and get rid of that bastard. And he did go up to the girl and see if she was all right. She nodded her head and then he said something about protecting her. And then he put his hand together and closed his eyes and some light started to glow from them.

"I can't explain what happen next because the very next moment, he was sitting on the ground holding the girl and the other guy, the horrible one with the glasses was standing up smiling at them. The place was a bigger mess than it was a second ago. The building was almost completely shattered and the smoke and fire was so thick I thought I was going to choke.

"I know I should have gone, but I couldn't. I stood there and kept staring at the three of them. The second guy, the one sitting down holding the girl, had a look of heartbreak on his face. I never saw anyone look that devastated in my life. He kept saying, "How, how" over and over again.

"The girl -- Oh God -- she was bleeding so badly. There was blood all over her dress and it was staining the shirt of the guy holding her. I thought she was dead, but then she coughed blood so I knew she was alive. Oh God, Onee-san, it was awful. She was in so much pain.

"The guy with the glasses smiled at them and said something I couldn't hear and then left. I had to move closer to see and hear what was happening. I knew I might choke and suffocate but I had to know. I don't know why, but I had to know.

"So I go up to them but they don't notice me. I would have been surprised if they did. She was in so much pain… Anyways, he was holding her tight and said it was impossible. He was suppose to protect her, to die for her. It was his fate to die for the woman he loved so she shouldn't be dying. He kept saying it wasn't supposed to happen this way.

"And then the girl puts a hand on his face and she looks at him with such love it would have broken anyone's heart. She tells him it was supposed to happen this way.

"Because he never loved her."

"Oh shit!" I swear, struck at the twist of the story.

Risa-chan nods her head dully and rubbed a fist across her eyes. "I know. Fucking melodramatic, isn't it?" She sighs and drinks from bottle again. Puts it down on the table with loud bang. Stares straight ahead intensely at nothing.

"That boy," she continues, and her voice is quiet, "was shocked, obviously. He kept saying no, impossible. He did love her. He had always loved her. And the girl said he didn't. She had always known he never loved her. That he only made himself believe he loved her. She had tried to push him back when they first met because she knew that only… "

Risa-chan closes her eyes briefly. "Only she fell in love in him and couldn't push him away."

"Oh God!" I cry, truly stricken at this revelation.

There is moment of silence as Risa-chan pulls out another cigarette and lights it. The dim lamplight falls on her face and I notice her eyes are wet. "The boy broke down after she said that. He started to cry and it broke my heart to see him cry like that. He demanded to know why she didn't tell him she loved him sooner. It was all he wanted in the world. And she told him it was because if she did, he would find out he didn't love her and would leave her… And if he left her, it would have broken her heart.

"She told him she was sorry for being selfish but he would find true love soon, with another girl, the real girl he was supposed to die for. But before he died for the other girl, she hoped he would be happy for a very long time. That was her wish. The dying girl's wish. For him to be happy.

"And then she died."

I can't say anything. There's something in my throat that makes it hard and it almost hurts.

Risa-chan sighs heavily and leans back on the couch. I see her wipe her eyes. "Yeah," she says, and her voice is choked, "so she dies in his arms. And he starts to cry… starts to say no, he did love her, that she was wrong, and she can't leave him… he can't live without her…

"…"

"I tried to get him to come with me out district," she says, and her voice snaps back to being crisp and cold so fast it actually makes me jump, "but I couldn't. He just kept holding the girl closer to himself and crying. Pretty soon, the place was so smoky and hot and dangerous that I had to run out myself. With this hip, I didn't want to take my chances. I waited outside the danger zone for any sign of him but I never saw him come out. Of course there was a million places where he could have gone for safety, but I didn't see him after that."

She puts her cigarette away and turns away, a sign that the story was over.

I breathe out deeply, letting the emotions flow out of me as I so.

"Whoa," I say after a moment. "That's deep."

Stupid words, but why else can I say?

"Yeah," says Risa-chan, returning to her hard self again. "It was fucking deep all right." She gets up painfully, trying to heave her weight on one side. "I've got to wash my work clothes. They're all smoky and full of plaster and rocks and shit. I stopped by Nabiki's house after a check-up at the hospital and got changed there. That's why I'm so late. The hospital took forever. Oh well, with all these earthquakes and injured people, can you blame them?"

I shook my head. "It's insane here," I remark.

"No shit" she says. "Anyways, I'm exhausted. I'll wash my clothes tomorrow. I'm going to get ready for bed. Happy White day, Onee- san."

"Yeah," I return. "This lousy day. Happy White day to you ,too."

She grins half-heartedly. "You have to admit, no matter how bad your White Day gets, it can't be worse than that poor guy's."

I nod half-heartedly back and watch her walk slowly to her bedroom.

I get up and pad over to the window. It's still dark outside, but the neon lights blink brightly, casting bright green and orange reflections on the garbage that the wind picks up and tosses around aimlessly. I watch the few people walk down the street, tiredness on their faces.

I slip more beer from the bottle, never taking my eyes off the window. I think about that boy who lost that girl today.

Risa-chan is right. He will never forget this White Day. I wonder what he is doing right now. Did he get out and take her body with him? Or did he remain there, and decided to kill himself with her? Was he still holding onto her body, crying, telling her she's wrong and he did love her?

Did he really love her?

A part of me thinks he must have, because I can't imagine how someone could grieve the way Risa-chan described over anybody without loving them. But that girl said she knew the whole time he didn't love her, and therefore, she knew he couldn't protect her. In the end, she was right about that. He had been unable to protect her.

Who was wrong?

For his sake, and the sake of that girl who died, I hope he is. I hope he is wrong and he does find another girl that he truly loves and becomes happy with her.

The alarm goes off above the television and I go turn it off. I trace my fingers along the cracks in the wall beside it and then get ready for work.

- - - - - -